TEN TIPS FOR SEPARATING AND DIVORCING PEOPLE

Separating and Divorcing

The decision to separate and divorce is a difficult one, and the process can be stressful. You can reduce the stress of separation and divorce by learning the correct information. Acting with care and attention during this process can save time and money now and in the future. Here are ten tips for separating and divorcing people that can help folks keep their sanity and peace through the process:

1. Make a List

It is helpful for people who are separating and divorcing to make a to-do list of all the steps they need to attend to. Having a to-do list makes the process feel more manageable instead of overwhelming. The first things on the to-list can be tips from this post and items from the Government of Canada’s Divorce Fact Sheet.

2. Learn About The Legislation

It is not necessary to obtain a law degree to separate and divorce well. However, it is helpful for folks going through the process to learn the basic rules for divorce in their jurisdiction. Therefore, knowing the basics can help empower separating and divorcing couples and remove the stress of the unknown. To learn about court forms and applicable legislation in Saskatchewan, visit the Public Legal Education website.

3. Seek Professional Help

Some people choose to handle their separation and divorce without the use of professionals. Though that is an option, it is helpful for people going through the process to connect with professionals. Suppose the people involved decide they do not want to use lawyers. In that case, they may choose another professional, such as a mediator who helps them negotiate their separation agreement and the terms of their divorce. Some non-lawyer professionals have experience helping people through the separation and divorce process. These might be mediators, arbitrators, child specialists, therapists, or other professionals. 

4. Keep Things Amicable

In separation and divorce, people involved can often speak poorly of one another or how the process is going. It is helpful to focus on the positive and remember that the other person involved is not a villain; they might be hurt or angry, but speaking ill of each other will only result in more stress. Therapists and other professionals who help their clients with emotional regulation, mental health, and communication skills can assist people going through the process to maintain a positive outlook and develop strategies to avoid speaking poorly about the other person involved.

5. Shield Children From Conflict

Some people who are going through the separation and divorce process have children. Therefore, if they have children, it is of the utmost importance that they protect the children from parental conflict. As in the previous tip, therapists and other professionals who work in the field of psychological health can give parents tools to manage their conflict in a way that shields their children from exposure. These types of professionals can also provide information on how best to discuss separation and divorce with children.

6. Be Reflective

Separation and divorce can be an emotionally painful time. For that reason, it is helpful to take time for reflection to think about what is important and be thoughtful about the process. Self-care and talking to trusted friends and family is also helpful.

7. Have Realistic Expectations

Some people can make their separation agreements quickly and at low expense, but for most, the process takes time and can be expensive. It is helpful to think that a separation agreement might take at least a year to finalize, if not longer. The divorce application part of the process may take more or less time, depending on its complexity. In most circumstances, a divorce cannot be granted until the people involved have been separated for at least a year. Having realistic expectations about the timeline and the cost of the process will help prevent disappointment and distress. 

8. Avoid Negative Advocates

Community and people to provide support are helpful while separating and divorcing. They keep the people involved grounded and give wise advice. However, other people are negative advocates. These people give unhelpful opinions and provide advice based on anecdotal information. For people going through separation and divorce, it is helpful to avoid discussing the situation with negative advocates. 

9. Keep an Inventory of Property and Financial Details

People going through separation and divorce should inventory their property and obtain all current information about their finances. Gathering this information can be a daunting task. However, it is crucial to have this information during the process. When the inventory is happening, it is helpful for people to note what is important to them to keep and what they think the financial arrangements should be. Though they might have to compromise on what they want, it is helpful for people to know what their ideal outcome is and what is a fair zone of potential agreement.  

10. Plan a Celebration

It can be hard to stay motivated and committed to having a peaceful separation and divorce. It can be tempting to talk poorly of the other person involved and to divulge into an adversarial, aggressive approach, especially if things are progressing slowly and with difficulty. To keep oneself motivated to stay the course through a peaceful and amicable separation and divorce, planning a celebration can be helpful. It can be modest or elaborate, but the intent is that the person involved in the separation and divorce will remain motivated. Some people plan a post-divorce trip, while others treat themselves to a special treat at the end of the process. Whatever they can get excited about will help carry them through the process.

Conclusion of Ten Tips for Separating and Divorcing.

While there are many more tips for having a successful separation and divorce, these ten tips are a great place to start. Remember, for most, separating and divorcing is a stressful process. Giving oneself grace and understanding and giving the same to the other person involved will make the experience less distressing. For those who want to learn more about how to have a successful separation and divorce,  click here for information about the CommonSense Separation Course.