Dyson Panko, Mediator and Integrator

Serving in the Canadian Armed Forces for over half a decade and being exposed to many opportunities, including leadership training, have provided me with the experience and confidence to face challenges and remain calm. While every incident is unique, most challenges align with historic ones, and following a proven process, though not always sufficient for complete resolution, will always provide more information and space to empower me and my team to rise to the occasion.

After my initial training, I served part-time while working full-time at Panko Collaborative Law and Mediation, which was then a modest operation with Charmaine (my mother) as our head lawyer and overall leader of the organization, supported by Demi and Dominique (two of my sisters). During this time, I “found the work” that needed to be done and settled into the role of Account Manager, handling the financial side of the firm. One of, if not the most valuable element of this full-time work, was exposure to the firm’s commitment to ongoing professional development, specifically our monthly book club. Between what I learned from the readings and the transformation I saw in the lives of our clients, I knew this field of work held the keys to the contribution I wanted to make to our world.

During leadership training in the Armed Forces, we were taught a module on mental readiness and well-being. One piece of information really stuck with me, as it resonated with the work our firm did. Specifically, we were taught to recognize signs of mental distress and life events that could produce stress in the soldiers under our care. The three life events that caused the highest levels of stress response were career courses (basic training, leadership courses, etc.), combat tours, and divorce or separation.

Knowing that the combative reconfiguring of families, which is the default in our society through the adversarial court process, contributes to the startling realization that divorce and separation could be mentioned in the same breath as a combat tour, I knew that the firm’s vision of transforming the way families experience this process was of urgent importance. I also knew that even with our large family, this mission would need help from other caring and compassionate individuals. We sought out business processes and structures that would empower us to advance our mission. This is when we discovered the Entrepreneurial Operating System, and I was entrusted with the role of Integrator. Utilizing and adapting this resource, we have and continue to strive towards building an organization capable of meeting our clients’ needs with excellence and contributing to the transformation of the ways families experience separation and divorce.

One of the books we read during our monthly book club was Non-Violent Communication (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg. This book was transformative in my experience and interaction with the world. The basic premise is that all human actions are conscious or unconscious strategies to meet human needs, and some strategies are more life-serving than others. Our emotions signal when needs are or aren’t met. Finally, the book provides a process that helps us communicate to each other what is alive in us and request others take actions to meet our needs.

During a leadership meeting, while I was thrilled with the services and impact our team was making in the lives of our clients, I personally felt alienated from the life-serving work we did, as I was consumed with the administration of the firm. Then and there, I decided I would develop a mediation practice of my own. Armed with years of theory surrounding conflict resolution, I signed up for mediation training, learning the process and skills to support people while they negotiate how their family reconfiguration will look.

In my mediation practice, I integrate all that I’ve learned in supporting parties to a conflict. When I see families engage in consensual conflict resolution and see how these processes meet the needs of families, I am enthusiastic. I believe that family is contributing towards a community of care and cooperation that puts the needs of their children first. My request is that if you are in a conflict, you seek to join these families in choosing a process of consensual conflict resolution, with our team or other like-minded helpers.